My Dad keeps getting blocked...help!!

He's drinking very little and eating even less. They've stopped all medicines just on pain relief.

Yesterday his bed was pushed outside and the hospice staff bought out Pimms and cake which we all had, even dad had a sip.

As I write this he is asleep and there is a little dog asleep on his bed.

I kind of just want this to end now as dad emotionally checked out.

Hope you don't mind me sharing, but the link below shows my lovely dad doing what he did best and that was talking a lot. This was for St Helena Hospice. My dad Geoff is sitting on the left as you watch

https://youtu.be/2vEkkNuDGJA

I went in with my brothers this morning and he has perked up more than yesterday and we were talking and making each other laugh and get the giggles.

Dads quite muddled which makes him mis hear us and so he says funny things which although is sad me and brothers pick him up on it and ask what he's going on about which we found funny

We asked if he remembered who visited him yesterday.... He told Anthea did!

He doesn't know an Anthea so we all found that amusing

Its a lovely sunny day and the garden at the hospice here in Colchester is amazing

We'll keep on smiling with him

My daughter Emily 9 is really upset as she had a special bond with grandad.

I went with mum and brother to the hospice today and of course they were lovely and gave us some forms etc.

We are registering dads death on Wednesday which was recorded as Prostate cancer.

The funeral directors came to mums and we choose a coffin, she asked if dad was to wear anything special.... My brother suggested a toga!!!!

There's still plenty of humour!

She said she would give him a shave and do his hair, we suggested a perm.... She doesn't know he's pretty much bald.

Have been sitting quietly tonight with mum and my wife and we still find it difficult to believe dads gone.

Sometimes I'm fine and I think things are okay, then when it's quiet and I think whats happened I just feel so sad my dads not around I really can't believe it.

Anyway mums camping in the garden with my children William 6 and Emily 9 tonight which she'll regret at 6am

We have chosen Fly me to the moon by Frank Sinatra as dads exit music and a song Adele sung make you feel my love which the nurse sang whilst playing the piano the day dad floated away.

We've chosen sun flowers for his coffin and we are going to take pots from his garden with flowers and line them up as you enter the church.

Dad said I gave him and mum lots of laughs so I just need to make sure I do him justice at the service.... I like an audience but this might be a hard one to crack!

Thanks for reading

Chris

This beautiful church was packed the sun was shining.

Service wasn't until 1pm so I walked around in circles all morning

Got to mums about 11 and the caterers were in, we had lovely canapés prepared.

I pulled together about 250 photos and had them playing through the TV so there were some brilliant memories for people to share in.

The one thing I was dreading was waiting for dad to arrive.

He turned up in a lovely silver hearse with a huge spray of sun flowers. I think following my dad with my family to the church was awful.

The vicar greeted us at the church and said to mum that all Geoffs friends are waiting for him....how nice to say that.

We followed dad in to the Adele song we heard the nurse sing in the hospice and after the hymns and prayers it was show time.

I stood up with my two brothers for the eulogies.

I said I'd take one for the team and go first.... My opening line, I just turned to dad and said at least I won't get interrupted!!!!

After that it pretty much was a stand up act from me and my brothers and we had a perfect balance of laughter and stumbling over lines as we came to the hard stuff.

I absolutely loved doing it and I was determined to get the laughter in the church. People afterwards said they wanted to stand and give us a standing ovation.

We went to the crematorium for a short service then headed to mums house.

The garden was packed people drinking wine and being served canapés

It was a brilliant day followed by a bbq at the end for the remaining few.

My 9 year old daughter Emily stole the show, she had written a beautiful speech about her grandad. She stood in the middle of 80 adults and they listened in absolute silence as she brought many to tears.

I don't know where she gets it from!!!!

Thank-you for your support

Chris

Keep your happy memories and I think with this short video, you will have done loads for the case for using a Hospice before the end comes too close. We have used our day hospice and it was a life saver when John was so poorly a couple of years back.

Much love

Devonmaid xxx

As Viv said, you have done your Dad proud ! Now time to look after yourself, dont be afraid to grieve and let your emotions out especially after holding it together for so long. Sending my love and condolences,

Fiona. x

Absolutly love your choice of music for your dad, I often end my posts with a song and I think it says so much about the people we are. Your dad would be so proud of you . Perhaps more than most I somehow get your emotions , it is ok to find humour in such sad circumstances it doesn't mean you are not hurting . Honestly I think your dad knows your personality and would be so proud and so happy with you just being you.

BFN

Julie X

Listening is what we are really good at Chris.

Platitudes like time heals do have value because they are true but you haven't had that time yet. It will come.

The fact that you always told your dad what you had achieved tells us that he meant a lot to you.

I'm sure he was very proud of you and if he's looking down now he will be giving you a thumbs up for the care you've shown your mother and for the way you have coped so far.

At some stage it will really hit you. Accept it when it happens, as part of the grieving process and don't ever see it as a sign of weakness. It isn't

Thinking of you

Sandra

*******

So sad for you but the fact is that the grief of a partner is completely different to the grief of a sibling, parent, son or daughter. You may be at a stage where you are able to talk about dad but for mum it may simply be far too raw still. Coping and busying and filling time is a good way to avoid all the hurt and sadness, or at least to put it away until she is on her own.

It is important that you support each other but perhaps for now, mum's need to protect herself is more overwhelming than her need to help you. Keep talking about him to other family members, friends etc and mum will hopefully come to a stage where she can also have those conversations. If you have a hospice nearby, they often have drop-ins where people can go and talk.

I know you are all right

I just miss not talking with dad about nothing if that makes sense

I cleaned my garage out other day, it's that type of thing that I would of proudly told dad

It's all very silly but thats life

Chris