My Dad keeps getting blocked...help!!

User

Posted 26 Jul 2016 at 11:07

Had some lovely news this morning, the nurse I watched singing the Adele song in the Hospice has been picked up and gone viral. Hopefully the link below works

Its all brought a smile to our faces

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/hospice-nurse-adele-piano-sings_us_57946573e4b02d5d5ed1e361?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067

User

Posted 26 Jul 2016 at 17:55

I first heard this song on Gareth Malone's Military wives programme (CD) and it is one of my favourites. It's my ironing music!!

Not only is that hospice lucky to have such a nurse but their recognition of her is wonderful too. Music has charms to sooth the savage beast and it also soothes those whose lives need meaning.

I'm going to post the link to my facebook page.

We have had a lot of cancer in our lives, my grandson, my daughter, my husband , my niece (who died in a wonderful hospice) so I am sure our friends will want to know that there are still kind caring and supportive people working in care homes and hospices.

Thank you for the link

Sandra

******

Edited by member 26 Jul 2016 at 17:56 | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 29 Jul 2016 at 06:48

It's been a few days since I last posted. I came home with my family on Thursday as mum needs some space.

The more time I've spent at home it has started to sink in. I know its really obvious and I've probably said it before but its difficult to comprehend that he really has gone.

I know time is a great healer and he's with me in spirit but its the small things you take for granted.

Without knowing it until now my dad was the person I sought approval from, I might of tidied my garage and sorted stuff in the garden and I would call him to say what I'd done.

He was always telling me to build a workbench at the back of my garage for my tools and I kept telling him my shelving was enough.... He never got that!

Thank-you for listening I just have these things going on in my head so I'd rather get them out

Thanks

Chris

User

Posted 29 Jul 2016 at 07:37

Listening is what we are really good at Chris.

Platitudes like time heals do have value because they are true but you haven't had that time yet. It will come.

The fact that you always told your dad what you had achieved tells us that he meant a lot to you.

I'm sure he was very proud of you and if he's looking down now he will be giving you a thumbs up for the care you've shown your mother and for the way you have coped so far.

At some stage it will really hit you. Accept it when it happens, as part of the grieving process and don't ever see it as a sign of weakness. It isn't

Thinking of you

Sandra

*******

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 30 Jul 2016 at 10:25

I too find this site helpful to share my feelings. At least the people here really do understand.

So are you going to build the workbench now? David always used to complain about my 'hoarding' ( well he never saw any of those programmes about real hoarders). So I've spent the last 4 months gradually going through every cupboard, drawer, shed etc to clear out the rubbish. In the back of my mind I'm thinking 'he will be so pleased' in the present tense. Last night I just couldn't sleep and all of a sudden the thought hit me that he really is gone and will never be back or see what I've done. It's a hard journey but there are good times too. Just take your time and go with the flow.

User

Posted 30 Jul 2016 at 20:18

Chris,

I am sure your dad is still giving his approval you just can't hear him , listen hard and I am sure he will be still telling you you to build that work bench . Dads are always right .

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 06 Aug 2016 at 08:27

Well yesterday was dads big day!

This beautiful church was packed the sun was shining.

Service wasn't until 1pm so I walked around in circles all morning

Got to mums about 11 and the caterers were in, we had lovely canapés prepared.

I pulled together about 250 photos and had them playing through the TV so there were some brilliant memories for people to share in.

The one thing I was dreading was waiting for dad to arrive.

He turned up in a lovely silver hearse with a huge spray of sun flowers. I think following my dad with my family to the church was awful.

The vicar greeted us at the church and said to mum that all Geoffs friends are waiting for him....how nice to say that.

We followed dad in to the Adele song we heard the nurse sing in the hospice and after the hymns and prayers it was show time.

I stood up with my two brothers for the eulogies.

I said I'd take one for the team and go first.... My opening line, I just turned to dad and said at least I won't get interrupted!!!!

After that it pretty much was a stand up act from me and my brothers and we had a perfect balance of laughter and stumbling over lines as we came to the hard stuff.

I absolutely loved doing it and I was determined to get the laughter in the church. People afterwards said they wanted to stand and give us a standing ovation.

We went to the crematorium for a short service then headed to mums house.

The garden was packed people drinking wine and being served canapés

It was a brilliant day followed by a bbq at the end for the remaining few.

My 9 year old daughter Emily stole the show, she had written a beautiful speech about her grandad. She stood in the middle of 80 adults and they listened in absolute silence as she brought many to tears.

I don't know where she gets it from!!!!

Thank-you for your support

Chris

User

Posted 06 Aug 2016 at 08:36

Chris

Sounds like it was a wonderful send off. Take care.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 26 Oct 2016 at 20:45

Hi everyone

Feeling a bit tearful this evening

It's been a few months since Dad died, we celebrated his birthday and we cooked his favourite foods.

Mum's busy doing lots of things visiting people, going out with a friend in her village to cinema etc.

I know this sounds strange but mum is off doing stuff and I like talking about Dad and it just feels like life is going on as usual. I just want mum to say she is missing him....i know she is I guess it's that I feel he should be in our conversations ....or that I want him to be

I just have this big void and I really miss talking to him

Thank you for listening

Chris

User

Posted 26 Oct 2016 at 21:23

So sad for you but the fact is that the grief of a partner is completely different to the grief of a sibling, parent, son or daughter. You may be at a stage where you are able to talk about dad but for mum it may simply be far too raw still. Coping and busying and filling time is a good way to avoid all the hurt and sadness, or at least to put it away until she is on her own.

It is important that you support each other but perhaps for now, mum's need to protect herself is more overwhelming than her need to help you. Keep talking about him to other family members, friends etc and mum will hopefully come to a stage where she can also have those conversations. If you have a hospice nearby, they often have drop-ins where people can go and talk.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 27 Oct 2016 at 21:51

I think Lyn's right. I tend to keep myself pretty busy and meet up with friends several times a week. I'm ok when I'm out with people - it's when I'm home on my own that the loneliness hits. I would actually like my kids to talk more about their dad but I think that because it brings on my tears they avoid it. But I actually find the tears quite therapeutic. I had a long drive with one of my sons this week, we did talk quite a lot and I did tell him how lonely it is. But I am now 7 months on. I am going away with my daughter next week for 10 days so hopefully we will talk properly but she is very much her father's daughter and a tough nut to crack!

I have just started seeing a counsellor and am finding it helpful to be able to talk freely without worrying about anyone else's feelings. Do take care x

User

Posted 28 Oct 2016 at 18:59

Thank-you for your responses

I know you are all right

I just miss not talking with dad about nothing if that makes sense

I cleaned my garage out other day, it's that type of thing that I would of proudly told dad

It's all very silly but thats life

Chris

User

Posted 22 Jul 2017 at 10:34

A year has now passed since my dad Geoff died.

He has left a huge void in all of our lives and we have all dealt with this in the family very differently. Both my brothers have and are struggling and find it difficult to openly talk about dad.

Mum has done loads, been on holiday a few times on her own and has booked a holiday to India in 2018 with a friend. I speak very openly about dad and me, mum and my wife laugh at the silly things that we knew he would do if he was still around.

However, as I was chatting with mum the other day it is really difficult to believe he is still not here and as much as we muddle on, underneath we all miss him dearly.

I'm doing my bit for PC UK and will be helping them with some filming at the hospice about the wonderful singing nurse Emma Young and how great St Helena Hospice was so I guess thats my way of giving therapy to myself.

Thankyou for reading

Chris

User

Posted 22 Jul 2017 at 12:27

Hello Chris

Thank you for the update.

I know how hard it is to lose a loved one and how, even after many years, a stray something - a song on the radio - a TV programme etc - can instantly bring back the memories and the laughter (and the tears)

You'll hang on to those feelings for ever because nothing can change them.

The place in your heart where your dad was is still there. The time will come perhaps when your brothers can talk about him and smile and the pain will be easier. It doesn't go away it just becomes more bearable.

Well done with your continued work for PC UK.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 02 Feb 2018 at 18:37

Hi All

its been a while that I have been on here but I wanted to share with you my story below of my experiences of using this online forum and how the singing nurse came to the attention of Prostate Cancer UK because of this.

As a result Emma has been awarded the first standing ovation award by Prostate Cancer UK.

Many Thanks

Chris

https://prostatecanceruk.org/about-us/news-and-views/2018/1/son-thanks-singing-nurse-for-moments-of-magic-in-his-dad-s-last-hours

User

Posted 02 Feb 2018 at 18:59

That's brilliant Chris. Thanks for sharing.

What a lovely nurse

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

Notification

Join the online community now.