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Dads small cell cancer

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 13:31
Paula

Thinking of you hope you are ok

Xx

Mo

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 14:03
Paula

Sorry to hear that your dad has been poorly.

Maureen x

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 16:16
Paula

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Love Allison xxx

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 20:51

Sorry Paula that Dad has been very poorly. I hope he can get sorted out soon.

All the best Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 21:03

Paula, you are all in my thoughts. Not sure what to say about the drinking except to tell him that tomorrow he needs to watch the kids while you have a binge of your own :-) I don't drink alcohol but chocolate might have the desired effect ....

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 09:38

wow didnt expect so many replies as i was working late last night
.Dad hasnt been eating for a few days and the pain is in his spine and leg not sure if the sickness has stopped.the hospital said he had high temp and gave him painkillers and antibiotics he seems to have gone downhill fast it was only 2 weeks ago he was in his rugby blazer out for the day.
thank you all so much for sending support and im sure some retail therapy will be on the cards for me Lyn as i dont drink much either....i am so grateful Mum is well at this time and my daughter has an interview for college :) xx

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 09:58

Thinking of you. Hope Dad can be made as comfortable and pain free as possible. You are doing a wonderful job,

 

Regards, Fiona xx

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 10:58

thank you ,you are all so kind xx :)

User
Posted 27 May 2015 at 19:21

Dads new antibiotics have started to work on his urine infection he did have blood and protien in his urine upon 2nd doc call out.He managed some food and i took a cake to share with Mum.She was joking about get him a wheelchair like she had a few yrs ago just to get out and about.
Scan results next tue to find out if there is any change to the amount of spread.Guess there must be without chemo for 2 months. All good for now though and hospice nurse and gps have been fantastic contact them each day
Taking each week as it comes
Paula xx

User
Posted 27 May 2015 at 20:18

Hi Paula,

Really glad that antibiotics are taking affect, your last sentence about taking each week as it comes is so true. It is good that the GP  and hospice nurse are on call and helping. Thinking of you often.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 17:14

Dad got his scan results today and had blood tests.As expected the cancer has spread more and tumours are larger.He may need an op on his kidney as its not working so well i think its blocked.He may still have chemo tablets although he has 2 weeks to consider this.Some of the pain last week was the cancer in his bones but his infection has cleared up.He sounds tired.
The blood test will reveal any distant spread as Mum didnt say if its in his liver,love to all on here and thank you for the amazing support Paula xxx

User
Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 17:32

Sorry to hear your latest news Paula.
I hope his pain gets easier to bear.
All the best
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 10:03
Paula

you and your family have been in my thoughts, hoping your Dad's UTI has cleared up a lot with the antibiotics and that his pain is managed.

You are doing everything you can and in my view everything you are doing is just right.

I am pleased that you are getting good support from the Hospice and everyone else you need.

best wishes

xx

Mo

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 10:41

Thanks Mo.Dad was selling the grandkids sandpit and sit in car etc this sunday for charity putting it on the grass think the money is for prostate cancer or maybe macmillan.
He sounded tired and breathless on the phone but has still found time to take photos for a local special needs school bless him.
I was upset this weekend i found out any 3 absences sickness parental leave or compassionate leave need a managers meeting ! i ve had 1 day last week not surprising with dad ill all sat night.I am worried sick they will try to make me lose my job or have a word as previously i had 2 weeks last yr and no days off for 8years besides ive doubled my hrs mostly for 6 months to help them out its all the stress i dont need really,i love working.
Anyway i am not letting them spoil my days off with mum or Dad and if has all the help he can get then that is the best we can ask for on this journey no one wants to be on xxx

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 12:30
Paula

My organisation has automatically triggered interviews after 9 days off in a rolling 12 month period but although I am obliged to speak to personnel it is usually a "is there anything we can do to help you with" talk, obviously there are those who take the p so it's an opportunity to mark their card for them!

Unfortunately most HR policies appear rigid but there is often line manager discretion available, personally I probably "support" 90% of the cases I have to deal with, a verbal warning usually works for the other 10%!

If you have a union rep you should speak to them, if you are called into a meeting they may be able to attend with you.

Try not to worry about the job too much, I know easier said than done, you have enough going on.

Anyway, if I had a team member who was putting in extra hours to help out I'd want to hold to them!!

All the best

Maureen x

Edited by member 03 Jun 2015 at 12:31  | Reason: Not specified

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 14:06
Paula

Have you tried avoiding the situation by talking with your HR first. Often going to them shows you are concerned about absence and the knock on effect that can have. They may be able to work with you to give you a more flexible arrangement temporarily.

Lyn Eyre may pop up with some advice to add to Maureen's on this one too I hope.

Xx

Mo

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 20:59

we dont have HR as such i will just have to do my best in the circumstances by Dad and work.I usually put work first i must admit,Mum said Dad has planned his funeral so she/we dont have the worry and we sat in the garden for a while so today was a good day :) xx

User
Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 00:22

Hi Paula,
I think it depends on the circumstances in which you are doing these additional hours. If they are simply being processed as overtime, you are going to come to a time soon where you might need to stop the overtime to be with your dad and the employer cannot take action against you if you are fulfilling your contracted hours. On the other hand, if they have given you a temporary contract for the additional hours then you may be obliged to fulfil ... unless there was an opt-out or review built in.

As far as the meetings go, it is quite common for employers have an attendance management policy which includes a manager review meeting at the third absence, regardless of whether those absences are one day or 3 months each. I imagine the policy then says that there are three stages to the attendance process, stage 1 being dealt with by the line manager, stage 2 & 3 being more serious and therefore dealt with by senior managers. Usually stage 2 involves a referral to occupational health or requesting a report from the GP.

They can only dismiss you if they can prove gross misconduct e.g. you worked for someone else while on sick leave. They can discipline you (such as a written warning or final written warning) if you have done something wrong which does not amount to gross misconduct, for example being off sick for more than 5 days and failing to produce a sick note. Many people supporting a relative at the final stages of their life get a sick note from the GP for stress, which protects them from disciplinary action. If you are concerned you can look up your rights in the ACAS handbook here http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2179 You could also phone ACAS on 0300 123 1100 for free advice

It is great to have a job that you love, but don't put yourself in a position that you might regret later - your dad will not be around for ever and it is a heavy heart that looks back and says "I wish I had had more time"

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 07:22

Thank you Lyne i did ring ACAS.I work 19hrs a week from when the kids were small however i ve been more than doubling them for months.I was upset to have so little hrs this week however with Dads deterioating health i must agree with you that i dont want to wish i had dropped back hrs when he has gone.Eventhough i cant see him too much as he doesnt want to be smothered so from that point of view work is handy at keeping me occupied :).
He hasasked my brother to help with final bits on the house and myself and son are taking plants out of part of the garden so Mum can just get someone to cut the grass when dad can no longr do it or when he isnt here,
I am not sure if he is having the stent in his kidney,,he has 2 weeks to decide,
I had heard of people being signed off when a loved one is nearer the end however i didnt want to use this unless i really have to and will see how i go,I dont want it to count against me either especially as the team are half my age and would see it as possibly not coping. Thanks so much for the work related advice it is hard to know where you stand sometimes xxx Paula

User
Posted 12 Jun 2015 at 19:01

Update dad got discharged from both of his consultants at different hospitals as they agreed he was having no more procedures as his cancer is aggressive.He has has a good week and with the house done i think he and mum were pleased with the help and it is peace of mind that Mum has less to do when Dad isnt here.
I hope everyone is having as good a week as possible.The only thing spoiling the next week is having to now work 10 am -11 fathers day as we are short staffed but im sure i can see dad on saturday and have a real tear jerker of a card :) xx

 
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