Dads small cell cancer

Hi Paula,

I just also wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this news, you have been so strong and supportive to both your Mum and Dad all the way through the worst . I know that you will some  how find the strength for this next chapter. One thing I would say is although your Dad has the small cell type and yes it is very aggressive  Trevor also has spine and ribs affected and we are know  2years down the road from DX , so sometimes there is more time than we first imagine. 

Thinking of you,

BFN

Julie X

Dad has had good and bad days.Bad was reaction to radiotherapy bad tum and tiredness and alcohol makes him feel awful now.good in that he has gone out a bit to events and seems in good spirits in himself.Mum got the ok at her oncologist check so that is a relief and they have met with the hospice at home nurses so when they are needed they have already gone through some things.To look at him you wouldnt know how bad he was and his pain is controlled by paracetamol i believe.
He told one family member he asked for a prognosis and was told 1 yr that was about march.i thought small cell was more aggressive so i hope he does get that long.
I did wonder has anyone ever been signed off work as their relative got worse?Mostly work takes the worry away i think but there must be a point when time spent with them is more precious than forcing yourself into work and some peoples comments are unbelievable and callous.
Love to all on here and your loved ones hope you get to enjoy some summer sun xxx

There is no standard leave allowance for this type of situation, but please see the Macmillan link below:

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/organising/work-and-cancer/if-youre-a-carer/your-rights-as-a-carer.html

I recently attended a staff management course and was advised as long as we followed the "must" regulations the "should or could" recommendations were open to interpretation by individual line managers i.e. home working, hours adjusting or flexible working if possible.

Sixfoottwo is right, you need to have a discussion early on with your manager by doing this ahead of time you may be able to bank some days to use at a later date. If you don't get the answer that you would like to hear perhaps you could contact a union rep for advice?

My GP did sign me off for 4 weeks with "domestic stress" when my husband had a heart attack but you may need to watch your employer's sick leave policy. My organisation has an 8 day trigger which requires a formal interview with the line manager, again it is down to the line manager to either "support" the absence or to use it to count towards future disciplinary proceedings (excessive sick absence). Unfortunately now even if you have a medical certificate, if your line manager can cite a business case for needing someone to do your job, you could possibly find your sick absence working against you. I would advise not mentioning to your manager (speaking as one) that you are considering going down the signed off route as you would then be "planning" to be absent in advance of the event.

Maureen

Edited by member 16 May 2015 at 14:09  | Reason: Not specified

Thanks for the replies.I did mention Dads situation in feb and was told to be more positive!! Then he got worse as we all know and one day i was 2 hrs late for shift..i had informed work and was asked if i needed anything.I said reducing back to my contract 19 hrs.since then i get 36 usually last week 43 due to staff illness.To be honest sometimes the physical nature of work takes my mind off home i m trying to strike a balance of not getting too overwhelmed by Dad my teens and husband who is recovered from a heart attack but still gets depressed/anger issues.
One colleague hs said your parents are old and will die anyway deal with it(which i do).I have an excellent track record for work only 2 !/2 weeks off in a decade.I will try to keep on keeping on until such time as it is too difficult and hope that it is no time soon
Love to all and thanks for the advice xxxx

dad has been doing ok going out a few times now he has spent a whole day vomiting and in great pain from his hips.We know as a family hospital isnt a great place to be over banks hols as mum was barely seen when admitted before as many staff are off!!dad has a hospice nurse who can hopefully help out with these symptoms.

I am very cross with my husband who went on a drinking binge while i was working all day now ive phoned in work as ive had no sleep what with him and poor Dad (no way his fault).The kids are keeping my spirits up while we wait to see if dad needs admitting to hospital.

He had a scan this week results in 10 days. Love to all on this awful rollercoaster and on a positive note dad has had alot longer than expected so for that i am eternally grateful for advances in chemo and treatments available x