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Feeling shut out

User
Posted 15 Feb 2019 at 20:27

Hi Jacie, I hope that by now you have managed to sort things out.

I went through this for a few weeks when my partner went down the rabbit hole and didn't want to talk about anything to do with his cancer. He was sarcastic, snappy, belittling and cold towards me which is so unlike him. I found myself walking on eggshells... awful times.

Eventually I sat him down and told him just how awful he was being. "I know you have cancer and I know you are scared but that doesn't give you a license to be so mean to me" I told him. I explained to him that we had both been given this diagnosis and that for me, the fear of loss was just as crippling as his fear of death. I told him that all I wanted to do was support him through this but I couldn't do that when he was using me as his battering ram.

Things changed after that. Occasionally he still goes off on one but quickly apologizes and comes over and hugs me. Thank goodness we are back to being a team because if he'd carried on like he had, I dread to think what would eventually happened to our relationship. The one thing it did give me was an alternative insight as to why relationships going through this can break down. 

Edited by member 15 Feb 2019 at 20:30  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Feb 2019 at 20:39
Epic post Maria. The only thing that has got El and I through this is total honesty and teamwork and love and support. Yes we’ve been right through the mill and some nasty stuff said also ( mainly by me ) , but communication and true love and our teamwork had shone through. I have had much mail from men and women whose relationship has been basically terminated by this disease, and in every case it boils down to communication and openness and a new normal.

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 16 Feb 2019 at 19:04

Well I'm glad you both got through the rough stuff and kept that team spirit going Chris. 

I think there is so much fear going on from both sides and when we are fearful, we can come across as snappy and irrational. Like you say, a cancer diagnosis can really test a relationship but if you keep working at it, you come out of the other side stronger for it. 

 

 
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