It can be a lonely place

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 03:59

Hi Guys,

OK, look I am sorry if my post was considered insensitive, so I have edited it.

Dave

Edited by member 09 Oct 2016 at 20:00 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 07:53

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Bri

every time I urinate I am reminded of my condition and how I miss a spontaneous love life.

Is that a bit weird????

Not at all, I fully understand where Chris is coming from

Bri

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 08:16

Never feel excluded Dave.

Whether you are c***d or not (and hopefully it isn't "not" !) then what you have been through to get to the C***d camp is very relevant to other members, especially new members.

You can still be here to offer advice and wisdom, so please don't desert us on the basis that perhaps you'll feel like a fraud. You aren't.

*****

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 08:16

Thanks Dave, I' but I'm not sure why you would feel an intruder on this forum (if that's what you mean by 'your group'). You have had PCa and endured the treatment and side effects I refer to so you are a valid member.

However, I'm not sure about some of the content of your post as it is quite insensitive when considering the needs of others. I see you wrote it in the early hours. Would you feel obliged to edit it in the cold light of day. Obviously if you do not wish to that is your choice.

Thanks

Bri

Edited by member 09 Oct 2016 at 08:25 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 15:26

Bri, i was making a bit of a rude joke - i thought it might give you a smile.

Edited to say thank you to Dave K for editing :-)

Edited by member 09 Oct 2016 at 21:12 | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 18:59

Joked missed...sorry Lyn should have realised 😊

Bri

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 19:34

Dave K

You are not an intruder nobody who had been touched by this horrid disease is.... but

I am so shocked at your very insensitive comments to another member . You have frequently posted supportive and helpful advice for others so i just can't imagine what was going on in your head during the early hours of this morning when you wrote that post.

The

So please if you have a conscience and a good heart edit your post and please can the real Dave Kirkham return ?

Edited out of necessity and respect

Edited by member 09 Oct 2016 at 22:28 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 19:49

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Bri, i was making a bit of a rude joke - i thought it might give you a smile.

Believe me getting up six times a night to pee, urinating another 10 times during the day, going into retention a couple of times a day, sticking a catheter into your penis to perform ISD twice a day and another couple of times a day to release retention, urinating at a flow rate of 2mls / sec is not a joke.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:10

Sorry Chris - you did make me smile because it reads like you are some kind of fetishist. I really didn't mean to offend you.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:11

So, comments on a free and public forum are injudiciously judged inappropriate by some, and are then deleted. Not for the first time, eh?

How sad for you this time Dave Kirkham. How sad in the past for so many others.

What happened to the forum where those in need could express themselves as they needed to, when they needed to for support and comfort? Where the sad or miserable or drunk, not saying you were the latter Dave but I have been, could vent their anguish, sadness and despair and bare their soles freely? Without fear of judgement or censorship? It seems to have gone. Thank goodness it was there for me when I needed it. The forum and some folks here got me through my baddest of bad, my lowest of the low times.

Dave K, your post did seem to me to be very personal, open, deeply felt, maybe very freely spoken, maybe influenced (we have most of us been there), but as such may have been most heartfelt? If others choose to be sensitive, they may need a pair of curtains, or a small step on the footpath?

Sad times that you are admonished, not supported.

dave

Do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:16

Unfair CB - his comments were directed to DM and failed to take into account how very ill her husband has been. That isn't censorship - that's reminding someone that not everyone has the same journey.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:24

Hi Guys,

I have edited my unfortunate choice of words, please accept my apologies if I have offended anyone.

These days I rarely drink, but occasionally I feel the need to rage against the world, and prostate cancer, and sometimes I get things wrong.

I know I am lucky, that my treatment appears to have worked, however I still suffer the side effects, and still get sad and angry at times.

No if's or but's, I accept I was insensitive, and I am sorry.

I value this forum, the advice of other sufferers, their wives and sweethearts have been a great help to me over the years, and we need to remember that there are ladies present, I forgot, my fault, I am sorry.

You know I spent my formative years at sea, and sometimes my choice of vocabulary is only suitable for the deck of a tramp steamer.

I will try and do better in future.

Dave

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:35

Don't worry Dave,

I have been aboard many a Tramp Steamer and had a fair few daliences worth a Sallor.😄

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 21:53

Respect Dave K, but keep posting mate.

Bri

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 22:07

Dave K

Thankyou so much. I'm glad you are back.

Nuff said

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 22:13

Isn't it a bit worrying that most of us never meet but we can tell when someone's had a couple more than usual!

Rage on DK - if I wasn't tee total I would probably have got lashed this weekend :-)

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 23:19

Hi Guys,

Having apologised for crass comments, I feel I must also apologise for distracting you from the very good points Brian was making with this posting.

As he said '...So I amongst many other men are left feeling isolated. Yes we are in a much better place than so many others and I am thankful for that. But it comes at a price and I'm beginning to think the price is too high...'

The point I was going to make, or should have made, is that while I can satisfy my lady physically using techniques that don't require a fully fledged erection, I am not in a fit state to allow her to return the favour, yes we can have fun seeing how well the Viagra is working today, but deep down we know its not like it used to be.

Sex is about love, because my wife loves me, she doesn't merely want me to satisfy her, she also wants to satisfy me, it is important to her , and it doesn't matter what she does, or what I do, we both know that isn't going to happen, at least not like it used to.

That is why I sometimes get drunk and rage against the world, and I think that is what Brian is talking about when he asks if the price is too high.

A nurse once told me a story about an old man she looked after, he was over 100 and she congratulated him on his good luck living to that age. He responded that it wasn't good luck, he saw it as a curse, his wife had died, his son had died, his friends had died, he was cursed to be kept alive, sad and lonely in a hospital bed, looked after by strangers, when everyone he had shared his life with had gone.

I cherish the love of my wife, without it life would be much poorer, I do what I can feed that love, and I do my best sexually, we have our moments. But at times I think we are just kidding ourselves and that is how PCa hurts, even those of us lucky enough to be 'cured' carry the scars.

Its at times like this that I am tempted to reach for the bottle.

Dave

User

Posted 09 Oct 2016 at 23:50

Physically, John no longer has ED and we have been able to regain an almost normal sex life but as you have described so well, we both know that it will never be the same as it was or should be. You have no doubt read some of my longer missives on this topic - I don't rage any more, I just feel sad.

I think J would recognise almost all of your sentiments (and Bri's) and for a good few years he regretted having the treatment, saying he would have preferred to only live 5 years but be normal. However, I don't think he really believes that any more - life moves on, there have been challenges and tragedy within the family and he has been badly needed, and in the last week we have lost two friends tragically which tends to make you grateful for whatever you have, I think.

You drink, I will stick with the cigarettes!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 10 Oct 2016 at 06:33

Well done Dave , I knew it might have been an over-emotional moment. I'm in a bit of a mess too but outwardly ok. You've always been a good support for me. I keep my ranting internal mostly ,being an ex matelot like yourself. And at this rate the alcohol will have me long before the cancer I reckon. I didn't want the op , and yes I do regret it still , but maybe on slightly different grounds than others. The sex side of things is tickedy-boo at the moment but won't be long before I'm on HT again I suspect.
Take care

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 10 Oct 2016 at 19:58

Oh my Lord, I see I've missed another go at me. I seriously have no idea what this is all about but it's goodbye from me.

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