Thank you all so much for your kind words and guidance.
The Hospice nurse who looks after Dad, was lovely - wow these ladies & gentleman really are something special, she showed such kindness to us all today - which is such a great support. She was patient and professional and I could tell my Dad was happy with her and has known her for a while now so that's also nice - she talked about visiting her son in Australia which made me reminisce with Dad about our trip to Oz when I was 18, I tagged along to my parents 25th wedding anniversary present to each other which was a trip to OZ :)
So.
The hospital bed needs to go downstairs as this will be better for Mum, so Dad isn't stuck upstairs. Debbie (the nurse) said Dad is very very poorly now and even the short walk on his crutches to the downstairs loo is way to much for him (he can barley do it), she explained to Dad that he is very very sick and that there isn't much point doing another blood transfusion as it won't really help him now as she thinks he is too weak to even leave the house to have it and doesn't want added pressure on him.
She talked about staff coming to help Mum, and night sitters (for when they are needed), she asked Dad how he finds showering and he was honest and said it's too much for him, although he just sits in it (it has chair) and mum does all the washing - so I think this is going to stop and washing from the bed will happen.
Medication and pain relief got sorted, as apparently Dad will need it injected eventually. She asked my darling Dad about resuscitation - to which he said he didn't want that.
I said we don't want a 'time' but, always a but eh? My Siblings and I are thinking we still have many months, are we right to think this and she said no, seeing your Dad today he is very poorly and you may only have weeks now. (this was not in the same room as my Dad as she thought it best to let him rest). Tough to hear. She said Dad is very vague and off in the distance somewhere (sometimes, not all the time), but he's not really sure of what is going on around him. He knows who we all are, and still cracks the odd joke but today he tried to stand up because he said 'the bloke in the room told him to go and move his car' it was only me in the room.
Dad cried today a few small tears, I think it's the first time i've seen him cry apart from at his Dads funeral when I was 18 (I'm 39 now) at our weddings. He held my hand and asked us 'if he's done okay' and he's sorry it's all happening so soon. Wow done okay!!, he is simply the bravest person I've ever known 6 years of stage 4 advance prostate cancer, so many treatments, and operations, metal rods, spinal cord compression, ulcers - he's dealt with it all and never moaned.
We shared the news with my Sister and Brother and have all been together today.
I love him so so much - words cannot ever emphasize my love for him, and how wonderful he has made our lives, but I'm actually ready to let him be at peace now and I don't want him to suffer anymore.
Hard to say that as of course I also want every second I can will him - thank goodness I live 5mins away, I go daily and annoy him (we laugh about this, as I am forever turning up at their house, morning, noon or night) he likes really he says he misses my voice as it's so bloody quiet once i've gone.
I'm really sorry for my long essay....
The journey isn't quite over yet, but every minute and second you have to be with the ones you love is truly the greatest gift we have... treasure life, love, family and friendship and we will all always be okay.. x