Chris J's Journey

Chris J's Journey

User

Posted 01 Jun 2015 at 18:33

Chris

Post what you feel when you want to. Nobody will ever criticise you for posting according to your mood.

Paul

PS If you're on Twitter, you may be interested in following ex England and Lancashire opening batsman, Graeme Fowler, who has suffered significant MH problems since retiring and is very open about what he faces. Not bipolar, but confronts his issues openly. I'm sure in doing so, he helps others.

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 17:54

We are doing better today. , and it's much to do with all ure support , so thanks again.

We both met with Doctor today who hadn't been kept up to date. He was shocked but RIGHT on our side and offered a genuine hand of help.

Then we both met my psychiatrist , El for the first time , and discussed my management plan.

And they both there for El singularly also !

Then I came home and bought my first supply of " nappies " from Amazon !!

Chris.

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 18:14

Glad there were positive meetings Chris and also very glad that El has support too.

When I got my husband his first supply of pull on incontinence pants they were the stretch kind and supposed to be unisex but to my mind they looked very feminine, even seemed to have a little frill round the leg edge.

I didn't say a word - didn't dare in case it upset him. We both had a good laugh though when he said he felt like Gorgeous Gussie Moran (a long ago tennis player since you're too young to remember her!)

Anyway, glad you are feeling more positive
All the best
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 20:00

Chris

So glad to hear that your meetings went well today and good that El was fully included in everything - I do love an action plan!

Brilliant to hear you sounding much more upbeat 😃

All the best

Maureen x

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 20:25

Chris

I am so pleased all went well for you and El today ...

way to go xxx

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 21:41

Haha Sandra.

I asked for extra frill and cerise !

It felt strange , but newsworthy x

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 21:44

And I'm sure you look very fetching in them!

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 22:23

Chris in frilly cerise pants

Mmmm Bridget Jones would be very jealous.

User

Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 08:53

Nice one Chris. Keep us all posted on your progress.

THE CHILD HAS GROWN, THE DREAM HAS GONE

User

Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 18:51

So I think too much aswell.... ( I have a permanent internal dialogue going on , but not schizo )
Getting too late to back out now , or id be wasting the surgeons and other patients time etc.
And they been niggling me today ( although I haven't got back to them ), about the blinking lumps they found on my adrenal gland and needing blood tests.

How can someone make a decision that is life-changing? Excellent help from everyone on here as El and I have both agreed , but oh for something definitive haha . Ive re-read my threads and ive had the "get it out and don't look back" , and the " I had it out but would think again next time ", and the " HT / Bracchy / EBR is the exciting way forward" , and the " Bracchy caused no end of issues" , and the " still waiting for an erection 1 year later " info , and you get the message....
And I genuinely cant thank you all enough for helping me with your experiences.
When this first was positively diagnosed ( after about 8 months ) , my priorities were maybe stupidly 1. Impotence 2. Incontinence 3. Cancer . I have my own reasons even if a bit irrational.

And now im 10 days away from RP im realising the treatment that has been thrust on me is the anti-Christ of my priorities.
Sick sick sick with worry ( and hoping I can send the nappies back).
What's a guy to do.
Anyway birthday weekend , and a night away again together which will be lovely , though I expect even an overdose of Caverject on a functioning man would'nt cause a stir with all the worry. Mixed grill and a bottle of Tempranillo it is then , and the crusader cryptic crossword. And then Monday , and the doubts seriously have to stop , or I ask for a second opinion / choice , maybe the Oncology that was withdrawn.
Im having nightmares about my plumbing being removed , and all that it entails , and the problems i'll be left with .
Waffle ramble over
Chris

Edited by member 04 Jun 2015 at 20:51 | Reason: Not specified

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 20:34

Chris

When I was given the anesthetic, I thought of all the good things in my life. They're all still there and for me life is as good as ever. it can be for you, too.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 21:07

Hello Chris

Please consider surgery as a good option. That's what my husband had with a Gleason score of 7 and a PSA of 24, but without the lump. He had to wait 3 months under the American system; that was for a top notch specialist who was totally booked. You are facing some losses, no question. Your surgeon and your body probably make the decisions on that.

We wrote an ebook about the whole journey. It's rated as inspiring, but it's also funny. See Ebook by pilot and his wife. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-cool.gif

User

Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 22:49

Chris

It is perfectly normal to feel the way you are, just take each day as it comes leading up to the surgery.

You can and will enjoy your birthday weekend with El (holy moly if I were in your position I would be at it morning noon and night) everyone has doubts and everyone has fears, some are rational and others quite simply are not.

You have come such a long way so just stay with the plan.

Thinking of oyu

User

Posted 05 Jun 2015 at 09:28

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

How can someone make a decision that is life-changing?

I preferred to look at it as life saving.

If you change your way of looking at it, it is definitely life saving, only potentially life changing.

It was a no brainer for me, even with the potential consequences which include not waking up after the operation, ED, double incontinence.

A choice many of us have had to make. There is still no clear best treatment option as far as I am aware for anyone in your position. Only potential side effects and possible might get it, not get it all.

As for considering those who regret what they did, which one hopes was the best considered option on the facts available to them at that time, bear in mind that this is your Cancer, for you to deal with now. No one knows if their outcomes would have been different if their choice had been different.

Bear in mind that a life without sex post RP is not guaranteed. If it turns out that way, life is still a life. With a chance to enjoy every day and company of family and friends.

If you choose to exercise your right to do nothing because of what "may happen", that is your choice and should be respected by family, friends and medical professionals.

atb

dave

Do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

User

Posted 05 Jun 2015 at 10:03

Great post from CB - the fact is that the majority of men do not have any long term side effects from surgery except the crucial one ... they are alive.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 05 Jun 2015 at 12:00

Of course there are also those who would have given anything to have had that choice to make.

Life is not always fair or straight forward but it is precious and even if it does not always feel that way to you, your life means everything to anyone who loves you or needs you to be there with them and for them.

User

Posted 06 Jun 2015 at 11:00

Hi , and thanks for the last comments , especially Dave .
This post could be longer than my arm but i'll try to keep it brief-ish.
Being diagnosed with PCa is awful , and the scans / biopsies / cystoscopy's / waiting for results / having to have radical surgery etc is an awful strain on even the strongest of men.
Im writing this so that it may help future members who are " Mentally ill " at any level , and need regular medication to help them . PLEASE ensure you get extra help as soon as possible in the form of healthcare professionals and/or medication. Don't presume you need to be the "tough-man" and "hold it all together". It is essential that you don't bottle it up , not sleep , make your mind mull things over and over 'till you're dizzy . I've been up and down as you will have noted , but essentially have been a tortured sole .
Events yesterday led me to being handled by a crisis team , pumped full of Diazepam , and given Zopiclone ( I hadn't slept at all for 3 nights ). Im glad my step-daughter came home early from school - she heard me crying from the street. I have to be checked on every day now . El and I also got a long long apt with our GP again which was a great help. Apparently im still having the operation on the 15th despite my protesting. On top of that we both had to sit and make a will yesterday with tears rolling down our cheeks . It was a monster as days go to be honest.
On a lighter note Diazepam and wine can actually make you hover , and yes Mo we've been at it hammer-and-tongs for 3 weeks , but as the op draws nearer the libido is failing ( and ive been on HT for 3 weeks ).
I slept a weeks sleep in one night last night.

If you have mental health issues and prostate cancer and all it entails , then seek extra help right up front . You're going to need it I can assure you. Don't let the bad feelings grow , or "hide them " somewhere . Get your GP right on the case , and if you are drawing near to surgery or template biopsy etc , then ask for something to sleep , as lack of sleep is a killer to anyone , and can distort real life . I hope this may be of some help to people .

Regards Chris

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 09 Jun 2015 at 17:15

Just a bit of info on BICALUTAMIDE 150mg which may help people . When I was offered the Oncology route it was decided I be put on this for THREE yrs , along with HDR Bracchy and EBR. They told me it has less side effects than the injections overall , but id need Tamoxifen to stop breast growth and soreness . As you know the Oncology route was taken off me but I have remained on this tablet for 1 month to slow the cancer until my Radical Prostatectomy on the 15th June .

I think I might be glad this route was taken off me , as after just one month I have really faded -- struggling to get out of bed and needing a good snooze every afternoon which is totally unlike me . And despite all the worry and stress , El and I were having sex at every opportunity to make the most of my "normality", with no issues and no ED at all. Sadly we have 6 nights together left of "normality" and my erection at best is mediocre , and to be honest i'm preferring just a cuddle ( which definitely isn't like me ).

I thought this information might be useful to some people . I think ideally when someone is offered Oncology or Surgery , it would be nice if they could try HT for a number of months before they make their minds up , to see how badly the HT affects them.

Ok so now I have no choice , and as you know im dreading surgery , but at least on the horizon is a potential full recovery , and maybe without the need for HT at all .

Chris

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User

Posted 09 Jun 2015 at 17:44

Hi Chris all the best for your op on the 15th, I too had no symptoms but went for RP open surgery and it went well and I recovered without much side effects apart from incontinence which I did regain control in about 2 months , I was doing the pelvic floor exercises before and after the op , i notice you have bought pads I had them supplied free. so worth asking as the cost will mount up Andy

User

Posted 09 Jun 2015 at 18:12

Thanks Andy,
I was told i'd be sent home with a starter pack of pads but then I was on my own unless I had serious issues. Its GREAT that you've recovered so well and every time I hear a story like that it gives me hope.
Yes I started pelvic floor exercises as soon as surgery was inevitable , but that's not given me much time tbh . I might be overdoing it actually.

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

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