Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

You can feel both emotions Steve, it is allowed.  Hang on, "Positively sad"?  NO, that is not what I meant.  I doubt that anyone looking back to their "D" date, their diagnosis date, looks back with any degree of fondness or joy?  Maybe some, at the time misplaced, relief if they were told "Ah your lucky, it is only prostate cancer, that's a good one to get"?  How many time have I heard that said, and even said it myself when telling people about my condition?  The fact is that for all of use love changed, life expectancies changed, hopes and dreams were replaced by fears and anxieties that we never even knew existed. 

But, we do have a choice in what emotion takes precedence in our lives and thoughts, although that choice may take longer to be made depending on what stage you are at in your "journey" or nightmare?

Having posed for you, and having been rearranged by you, you are a quite bossy reggub when you heft that Nikon body up you know, I feel free to advise, feel sad but feel glad that you are still here, and although you have had a plethora of issues recently you are still being given treatments to deal with them.  

Things could be worse?  I know that is little comfort, but no matter how much tihs has hit your fan recently there could be more, so hang on in there and keep believing, keep fighting and keep snapping.

atb

dave

shall I pout a bit, or look like this, lick my lips or stick my butt out?

For me the actual date of results rather than my initial PSA is the date I remember as everyone kept telling me how curable PC was in between and although I had my fears it was unknown, I still can picture a certain consultants smiling face ( who I never saw again) telling me how imminently cureable my condition was after just the PSA and a sweep unlike the next one 3 weeks later who had no smile and nothing good to say. So my date is 6/11/2014, a double sad day as one of my good clients died of cancer that day.

So as has been posted above, you have every right to have whatever emotion you have, knowing you Steve briefly as I do ( so far) you will have a lighter emotion soon if not already, you have lots of " friends" here rooting for you.

Today is a good day, Kev

Good evening Steve

We all feel like this on some days. My OH is quite 'down' at the moment too and it does affect the whole family as he has no patience with the children and does not want to do anything except sit down/snooze all day which is frustrating for me as I have so much to do.... (although I do not mean to feel this way).

I end up trying to focus on being thankful that we were diagnosed - afterall we could have carried on in blissful ignorance of this disease which eventually would catch up with us and possibly present with a far worse diagnosis.

From what I recall you are still in the 'cure' camp, keep reminding yourself of this, as it is something to be really thankful for and gives you hope.

Best of luck sorting out the heart problems too - not easy but you will get through it as you are getting one to one treatment.

We have had lots of other medical problems too like pain in shoulder, swollen ankles, tinnitus, hearing loss etc which have meant loads of additional tests and worry that it is somehow connected. It seems like we can (sort of) cope with fighting one problem/illness but when other issues are brought in to the mix too, it becomes really difficult to cope as we don't know what to worry about next. It seems like this is how you are feeling too at the moment and hopefully once this heart problem is sorted you can get back to the job in hand of fighting this damn PCa.

Stay strong...

Alison x

Edited by member 12 Feb 2015 at 17:32  | Reason: Not specified

Hello Steve life is certainly often full of uncertainty . This is the hardest thing to cope with I think with health issues. I am just starting to realise that our lives will never be the same since my OH was diagnosed with Pca. I think what makes it harder is his naivety . He will just take the word of the doctor and do everything he is told and disregards my research . I hope things soon pick up for you. Getting back to work may be good for your morale as long as it is not too exhausting for you.. I can tell you are worried about this. If you don't mind me saying I think you sound depressed and some of your fatigue may be attributed to this. Hope your wife is ok.. Georgina

Dear Steve

I am sorry to hear of the latest problems, not least your wife having the cancer tests.

(I had a breast lump last year, removed the day of the consultant finding it - and an agonising week wait for the pathology) so I really do understand how you feel and that you cant possibly take any more worry. I was certain it was cancer. Mercifully it was not. I hope the same goes for your wife.

There is no easy way through this difficult time waiting, you just have to stick it out.

I hope the heart issues are solved soon.

You have friends here who are thinking of you.

Alison x

I don't really know you or your real situation only what you post but Rome was not built in a day mate. Please don't focus on what you used to do for now as that hopefully will return in time. Jack the exercise in and work for 2 hours in the morning and another couple in the afternoon at first with a good snooze in between. Then if you have any energy left in the evening do the exercise.

I know it's easy for me to say but small steps is what you need to do, I have only been off work for 4 weeks but I know that I could not go back to 12+ hour days and after chemo/RT I will be on short hours for ages.

I know I am lucky that I can still run at the moment, I am delighted with 55 minute 10ks, I used to do them in 37 minutes, I am happy that I can still do them at all.

It also sounds like you will sadly need to support your wife, do what's important in small steps in every direction.

Rooting for you

Kev